How We Live Now: Here Are Some Innovative 21st Century Living Arrangements

My most extensive writing on how we live now is in the book by the same name, How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century. That book has been named as one of the 12 Nonfiction Books Every Woman Needs to Read, alongside books by authors such as Maya Angelou and Gloria Steinem.  It was also named by Kirkus as one of the Best Nonfiction Books for 2015.

By the way, the picture is of a “pocket neighborhood” right here in Santa Barbara. It was designed by the visionary architect, Ross Chapin, who also wrote the book on the topic: Pocket neighborhoods: Creating small-scale community in a large-scale world.

Here are some other things I’ve written before and after the book was published.


New Book Project Is On!

Last January was when I first decided, with lots of input from my agent, on the theme of my new book project. It is about the many creative ways that we are living now that Americans are spending more years of their adult lives unmarried than married, and only about 20 percent of all households are comprised of mom, dad, and the kids. These are huge change from decades past. (See below for more on the theme of the book.)


Single-at-Heart: What Do We Know about It?

People who are “single at heart” live their best lives by living single. For them, single life is their most authentic, meaningful, and fulfilling life. They embrace single life for positive reasons, not because they have “issues.”

I have been writing about people who are single at heart since 2010. The concept got a big boost when it was mentioned prominently in the New York Times in 2013. People who are single at heart have now been mentioned in many places in the media and in scholarly writings.

Interested in whether you might be single at heart? Take this brief survey.

If you think you may be single at heart and you want to share more detailed stories about your life, this questionnaire asks lots of questions for you to answer in your own words. I originally created this questionnaire to learn about people who are single at heart, in much more depth, for the Single at Heart book I am writing. I have already written a lot of the book, so if you answer the questions on the questionnaire, I may not be able to include you in the book. But I am always interested in hearing your stories.

Below are some of my blog posts and other writings about what it means to be single at heart. Some of them appeared in my blog at Psych Central. That site was discontinued in 2020, and all the blog posts were taken down. I am slowly moving those posts to my blog on Medium. Apologies in advance for the ones I haven’t moved yet.

Some key characteristics of people who are single-at-heart

People who are single at heart: Here’s what we know about them

Are you single at heart?

14 signs you are a confirmed bachelor (or bachelorette)

Maybe similar to single-at-heart

Single by choice and single at heart: Is there a difference?

“Single at heart”: Is it Quirkyalone’s naughty cousin?

When ‘super singles’ end up neither super nor single

Oblivious, complicit, and healthy loners

Some great things about being single-at-heart 

Fear not: The advantages of people unafraid to be single

People who are single at heart have been thriving during the pandemic

14 ways to tell that someone is happily single

Some suggestive evidence for the resilience of people who choose to be single

The ‘single-at-heart”: Beacons of innovation in a blandly married world?

Travel ways of the single-at-heart

How to become your true self

Living the single-at-heart life like you never could before

Writing a script for “single at heart”

Single-at-heart in Holland

Stop saying that being single is better than being in a bad relationship

Some questions and issues

Commitment phobic, or is single life a better life for you?

Some people get all weird when you say you chose to be single. What’s up with that?

“No one really wants to be single”: 9 ways we are misled into believing that

Recognizing your single-at-heart inclinations: Does greater maturity help?

Single at heart: Is it hard-wired?

Committing to single life: Is there a time when you just know?

Does your God love you if you are single at heart?

The missing pieces: What we still need to know about people who are single at heart

Personal stories and examples of people who are single at heart

Why I’m single, then and now: Guest post by Joan DelFattore

A woman after her own heart: Guest post by Edie Jarolim

Coming out as single-at-heart: Guest post by Psyngle

I’m better off single. You might be, too.

Single at heart in New Zealand – she is, her husband isn’t

Are these successful entrepreneurs single at heart?

This reader dreams of being single

Is she or isn’t she? Who is single at heart and why does it matter?

John Keats was single at heart and expressed it beautifully

Some people who are single at heart are married: What’s that about?

Is Whoopi Goldberg “single-at-heart”?

The movie “Brave”: Has Disney gifted us with a princess who is single at heart?

Here are results from the first 1200 participants in the Single at Heart survey:

Preliminary results of the single at heart survey

What does it mean to be single at heart?

Odes to solitude in the words of people who are single at heart







Alone: The badass psychology of people who like being alone

The Best of Single Life

Updates, Plus Coming Soon: First Results of Single-at-Heart Survey

Seems like this “All things single” blog has been a bit neglected of late. Sorry about that. I have been happily busy with lots of things. I’m getting that new-ways-of-living project off the ground, doing all the interviews I can afford to do on my own dime in order to be able to write a compelling enough proposal to get a book contract. That means either interviewing people I can get to easily by train or car, or visiting friends who can put me up for free. If I do get a contract, then I will be less constrained by costs.


Tasty Myth-Busting from the New “Going Solo” Book

Solo dwellers, we have our book! Eric Klinenberg’s book, Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, will be published tomorrow. My advanced copy is already dog-eared. At Living Single, I explained why I think this book will become a social science classic, read by students, scholars, and smart readers everywhere for years to come. At my Single at Heart blog, I shared 12 of the surprising facts you can learn about living alone from Going Solo.